Jaime (1992): German-Spanish, business engineer, SinFinCup
1- What do you understand under feeling lost?
For me, feeling lost goes along with a sensation of emptiness, failure, purposelessness and lack of focus.
In my opinion there are different moments in life in which one can feel lost:
- In suddenly provoked unexpected tragic events, when one literally tears the ground under one’s feet and falls into a deep hole.
- When confronted with the truth and reality with bursting expectations, unattainable goals, or self persuaded lies.
- When losing your way becomes a slow process, and you only realize that later.
In this moments it is important that you are honest to yourself and to stand for yourself.
2- Please, describe a specific situation when you felt that way?
I made my professional formation in Madrid where I lived for 2 years. It has an open-minded and sociable culture where I made good friends on its lively streets. Even with strangers you come directly into a good conversation.
After these time I moved to Australia for about a year with a work and travel visa. I worked hard, earned a lot of money, travelled from one city to the other and I could do whatever appealed to me without having to worry about money. It was a sensation of freedom and light-heartedness.
After these turbulent three years, I then began my studies in Berlin, with high expectations of the city and excited about this new chapter of my life in Germany.
However, it was different than expected. The city was grey and cold, the study program was tough, I had to catch up in parallel with the maths from high school and at the same time understand higher mathematics of my degree.
I felt stupid, I lacked all the basic knowledge of the baccalaureate and despite much learning I did not achieve the marks I wanted. I did not get any help as I thought I could do it alone.
In addition, the people in Berlin were closed-minded compared to my beloved city in Spain. What is more, it is common to receive a weird look when wishing a good day to a stranger.
The techno scene I enjoyed but I did not understand why nobody danced with each other. Everyone on their own, no one with each other. Dance requests and attempts to flirt were unsuccessful. 😀
Something I missed was the “alegría”, the joy of life, dancing with each other, having fun… Everything that I knew from Spain. I wished to travel back in time, I lived in the past. My friends never understood what I meant as they did not know my life in Spain.
My goal to achieve good marks and to successfully pass my studies seemed to vanish while I slipped into the party scene. I completely lost my focus.
Luckily, I noticed this quick enough before slipping completely into it. I did not want this anymore. I sealed myself off from my friends because they were still in techno mode. Namely to be considered an outsider. I was alone, I felt lost.
From then on, I wondered alone through Berlin for a while, away from techno, in search of the “alegría”. It was important and good. A process of change began.
My grades got better and better, I got to meet new people, founded my company SinFinCup with a good friend of mine and I got to know my current girlfriend.
3- What helped you to overcome or to deal with those moments?
The most important tool for me and, in my opinion, the strongest tool that is often underestimated is meditation. I began to mediate on a daily basis in order to become aware of any connections of my experiences and to focus on the present moment.
During those moments, I blamed myself and my actions for this situation. It was not the fault of the city, other people or the studies. I accepted that life in Berlin is different to the one in Spain.
As only I was to blame, I actively changed this situation and my point of view. I went outside alone, I left my comfort zone alone, I challenged myself alone in order to meet new people, new friends and new perspectives.
Another thing that mainly contributed to me overcoming the sensation of feeling lost and that was a big game changer, was the renunciation of alcohol.
For a while, I decided to go out sober, I danced like the craziest person in the room and I got to know new faces without a drop of alcohol. I became aware of all the social dynamics, all the excuses one finds not to do something. I found myself and self-confidence again. The best part was that the day after going out nothing was forgotten, I had no hangover or film break.
4- Which lesson or result did you get out of those more challenging times?
Feeling lost is a process of change
Back then and now, I never considered it as a big crisis or as being lost. I perceived it rather as a process of change.
Everybody feels lost sometimes
Everybody goes through bad times and each person also feels lost sometimes. Some get hit by it harder than others.
It is okay to feel lost
We have to allow space for this feeling of being lost and sadness. It’s also okay to cry, to let everything out. Everyone needs that. The important part is to see this situation with honesty, to accept it and to come out of it.
While Traveling through South America, I have seen and realized that many problems we have in Germany are actually irrelevant. Here, people are still fighting for their human rights, some have no roof over their heads and their challenge is getting enough food to feed their families.
This fills me with strong thankfulness to live in a country as privileged as Germany. Be grateful for what you have. Be grateful for the little things. You’ll see, you too can get through the crises. You are not alone, talk about it with your friends or family. Open up for advice.
It is an opportunity for growth
Going through bad times is when you grow the most and where you gain strength once you overcame them. After every winter comes the summer. Life is always an up and down. Just find balance before you fall too deep.
Welcome every personal crisis and use it as a chance for change. (Excluded of course fate strikes. Those I do not wish to anybody.)
5- What could be done to help somebody who is feeling lost?
Everyone must come out of their own crisis and be open to change. You can not force or get anybody out of this situation if this person is not ready for it. You can act as a role model and go your own way. You can share your own experiences and tips. Be open and talk about problems. However, it always depends on the other person, whether she or he accepts your help or not.